Plan a little more

Every good blogger seems to address the New Year in some way. I’m a smidge late, I know. Whether it be listing out the pros and cons of the previous year or developing elaborate resolution lists for both home and career including becoming an Oil Puller (just Google it) or to outdo SuzieQ in the next cubbie in sales all year long.

“Why I am not a planner” was the initial title of this post. My mom and I were having a conversation and she made the statement, “I know you’re not a planner but…” I have always been the fly by the seat of my pants kind of gal. I try to plan for things that are top of the list important (birthday’s, holidays and I’ll have a sitter months in advance when my favorite band is in town) other than that I just figure out life as I go.

Even though I wasn’t diagnosed until about 4 years ago, from a pretty early age (10 or so) I have struggled with an auto-immune disease that has left me debilitated and on the couch one day and cleaning my house top to bottom the next. If I may play pseudo-psychologist for just a moment, I believe my lack of planning manifested itself as a defense mechanism against disappointment. Picture my middle school self, a sleepover I’d planned for weeks and me on the couch with a migraine and an ice pack on my head as all my friends sat around me gossiping and watching a movie. Talk about a bummer! Now imagine this happening year after year. Eventually your brain just begins saying “If I feel okay, I’ll go.”

Sometimes I trick myself in to thinking that my free spirit gives me and my family some freedom and flexibility while doing life. For example, my mom takes the kids to church on Wednesday nights so at 3:30 in the afternoon Keith and I decided to go see Gone Girl after work. Now, for all of you planners out there skipping Zumba AND Group Power class you take every Wednesday night without fail would cause your hands to sweat and your week would never recover. I on the other hand, along with that free spirit of mine, thoroughly enjoyed my impromptu date night  with a large popcorn with extra butter for dinner and felt no one drop of remorse or anxiety because of the change in plans.

This method of operation certainly has it’s down sides. For example, when you receive an invitation to a long time friend’s birthday and put it in the “I hope we can make it” pile and then you re-discover the invitation the day or so after the party. My heart always sinks as I am sure my friend thought I simply didn’t care enough to show when in all reality I mentally avoid making plans so as to avoid having to break them at the last minute with a migraine or some other bizarre ailment associated with my bizarre invisible illness that no one believes I have.

I am becoming increasingly aware of the elaborate ruse I have concocted to avoid committing to really anything.

Thus, in true non-planner fashion the ONLY plan I have for the New Year is to plan a little more.

Chronic Pain (Wordle) (1)Thanks for reading,

Amber

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